Wild & Silly Stories From My Life - #51

Basketball was my life from my freshman year in high school all the way until about age 32. It was then that I blew out my knee in an irreparable way, & ended my basketball career for good. Back in the day, me & some good friends entered a 3 on 3 tournament called Hoop It Up. It was a huge gathering of ballers in the 1990’s, & they set up hundreds of portable hoops in downtown Dallas where a giant two-day tournament took place. My buddies and I were pretty good, & that first year we came very close to winning the championship in our division. We got beat in the final game by some snotty nose rich kids whose team name was, “Any Questions?” They played with swagger & arrogance, and it really stuck in my crawl when we lost to them! Anyhow, fast forward to the following year, & we entered the Hoop-It-Up tourney again, and we wanted so badly to face & beat that “Any Questions” team, we purposely named our team, “Any Questions? Hell Yeah!!” I think it was my friend Josh’s idea to adopt that name, & we all agreed it was perfect. Well, we ended up playing great that year, & we did indeed win the championship! Only problem was, the “Any Questions” team was not around that year, so we never got to face them & set things straight. To this very day, when I think back on that championship, I smile because we won it all, but at the same time, there’s still some lingering unresolved angst down deep in my soul! So let me say it one more time…Any Questions? Hell Yeah!! Ha!!

Wild & Silly Stories From My Life - #50

One day in science class when I was in 6th grade, we had an unannounced pop quiz, with 50 questions, based on everything we had learned so far that year. I really enjoyed science, so I did pretty good in that class, and somehow on that quiz I got every single question correct! The teacher announced there was a big prize for getting the best score, and I was handed a giant bag of skittles! It was a glorious day, because I really loved skittles! But then…just a few minutes later, we paired up with our lab partner, and my lab partner & I started joking around and doing that silly thing you do when your pretend to throw something at each other. When something is pretend thrown at you, you act like you get hit with a pretend something, & then when you pretend to throw something at the other person, they act like they got hit with a pretend something. Anyhow, the teacher saw me doing the pretend throwing motion, and she accused me of throwing something real, and no matter how I tried to convince her that I wasn’t throwing anything, she wouldn’t believe me, & she gave me an ASD (After School Dentension!) I’d never been in trouble like that at school, so it destroyed me. I was so upset about it, later that afternoon when I was riding my bike home I stopped by a creek bridge, & I threw the entire unopened bag of skittles down into the creek bottom! If you know me and you know how much I love candy, you’ll know how distraught I must’ve been! Ha!!

Wild & Silly Stories From My Life - #49

When I was a Senior in high school, my Mom took my brother and I on a trip for Spring Break. My Dad had to stay back & work all week, so it was only us three going on the trip. The plan was to meet some of my Mom’s side of the family down in the Orlando area, & to do one fun day at Disneyworld together. This was back in 1991. Our family vehicle in those days was a good ole Chevy Astro van, so that’s what we took on the trip. We modified it for the trip by taking the very backseat out, & we laid a mattress down there, so that anyone who wanted to get a snooze in while we were traveling could do so. My Mom didn’t feel comfortable with me driving across the country like that, so the plan was for my Mom to drive about eight hours, and then we would spend the night in a hotel somewhere around that eight hour mark. The total trip was about 15 hours, so we just wanted to get a good piece down the road that first day. Well, when my Mom finished her eight hours of driving, I begged her to please let me drive for a bit, & I suggested that she could lay down in the back on the mattress & rest for an hour or so, while I drove us just a little closer to our destination. Surprisingly, my Mom took me up on the offer, and she laid down on that back mattress. Shortly thereafter, I could hear her breathing like she was sleeping pretty deeply, & right about that same time a big semi-truck came blasting by me going about 80 miles an hour. So I did what any Senior boy in high school would do, I hit the gas, put the pedal to the metal, and started following right along behind that flying semi. My Mom must’ve been really comfortable back there on the mattress, because she slept and slept and slept, and I just kept driving and driving and driving, making super good time behind the semi’s I kept following. When she finally did wake up, she freaked out because we were 30 minutes outside of Orlando! Ha!! So instead of staying in a hotel halfway to our destination, we stayed in one on the doorstep of Disneyworld! The best part of the story is this…because we were a day early with our arrival, my Mom took my brother and I to Universal Studios that next day! And at that point in my life, that was the coolest thing I’d ever seen or done!!

Wild & Silly Stories From My Life - #48

In college I enjoyed parties. I guess I should say my friends & I REALLY enjoyed parties. Ha! One Friday in the early evening some good buddies and I were headed to a party, piled into a friend’s car. Maybe I should’ve been nervous, because we had a 12 pack of beer in the backseat, and I was only 20 years old…but the guy who bought the beer was 21, and the guy who was driving was completely sober, so I wasn’t worried much at all. However, being the somewhat anxious human I’ve pretty much always been, in the back of my mind was always the seed of a thought about something turning terribly wrong, and me getting caught up in some kind of big trouble that I’d rather not navigate. But anyhow, there we were driving to a fun party, when we came to a red light and had to stop. It was a really busy intersection, so there were a number of cars in front of us, & also a bunch of cars behind us…then all of a sudden, from my perch in the backseat, I heard a big commotion of some sort, and as I looked over my shoulder & out the window, I could see a whole mess of Swat Team police officers surrounding our car! In that instant I was certain we were doomed, & I was immediately freaking out about the thought of going to jail & the other horrible things that might come along with it! Well, before I could get my mind around what was really happening, the swat team officers quickly made their way past our car, and took down the passengers in the car right in front of us. I was freaked out of course, but also extremely relieved. And in hindsight, I laugh to myself thinking that I initially imagined that the Austin SWAT Team would want to bust a carload of college kids with a 12 pack of beer in the car! Ha!! To this day I have no idea what those guys in the car in front of us were up to, but my best guess is that it wasn’t a little underage drinking. Now that’s a life story that makes me laugh…30 years later of course! 😂✌️❤️

Wild & Silly Stories From My Life - #47

This is a wild one. Back in 2003, I got invited to deliver the invocational prayer for the President of the United States (who was George W Bush at the time.) It’s a long story how I ended up being invited to stand at the Presidential podium & deliver that prayer, but it was definitely God opening a series of doors that I never saw coming! The craziest part I remember is how I had to go through 3 or 4 different checkpoints in the giant conference center, & at each checkpoint the Secret Service checked me over head to foot. The only thing I knew about the Secret Service prior to that day was from various movies I had seen, so when I actually interacted with the Secret Service face-to-face, I couldn’t believe how young they looked! I was only in my early 30’s at the time, and just about everyone guarding the president looked younger than me. But they definitely also looked stronger & meaner than me! Ha! Somewhere I’ve got a photo of me right next to the President, but I can’t seem to find it. It was a super surreal feeling to walk up to that podium & to see the Seal of the President of the United States affixed to the front of it. It was all kind of a blur as I stood at the podium for about two minutes, offering an intercessory prayer for our Nation & our highest elected leader. A truly, truly wild day.

Wild & Silly Stories From My Life - #46

Birthdays as a kid are a big deal of course. What I remember most about birthdays, is a special family custom that my Mom passed along to us. When my Mom was growing up, her mother would sing a special birthday song each time one of her kids had a birthday. So my Mom did the same exact thing for my brother and I every time we had a birthday. To this very day, she continues to sing that song to us on our birthday! In order to capture the words of the song in the annals of history, here are the lyrics:

“Today is a birthday, I wonder for whom? I know it’s for someone, who’s right in this room. So look all around you, for somebody who… Is smiling, and laughing, my goodness it’s you! Happy birthday Patrick, from all of us to you. Happy birthday Patrick, hope all your wishes come true. We congratulate you, and celebrate you too… Happy birthday, Patrick, from…all…of…us…to…YOU!”

I can hear my Mom’s voice singing that song to me as I write this story. What a wonderful family custom. And in case you’re wondering, yes, I most certainly sing that song to my kiddos on their birthdays!

Wild & Silly Stories From My Life - #45

The biggest snowfall I was ever a part of, happened when I was in seminary graduate school in St. Louis. It started snowing one winter morning, & the city was pounded by snow all day long. By evening we had about 8-10 inches of snow covering everything, and I remember thinking it was the craziest & most beautiful sight I’d seen in a long time. I was amazed at how good the roads still were, because unlike Texas, those crews in St. Louis knew how to clear the roads really well. I had a commitment that evening, so I carefully drove to it with a buddy of mine, & then about 11pm I was dropping him back off on the seminary campus, when I kind of said jokingly, “I should take my truck off on the athletic field over there and do some donuts.” I’d never had the chance to do donuts in the snow before, so I was really eager to give it a try. My buddy was also a Texan, so he said, “What the heck…let’s go for it!” I spent the next 15 minutes doing donuts in that snow, and boy was it greatness! Fast forward to the next afternoon, and I’m sitting in class, and I’m reading the little school newspaper we have, and there I see a little blurb asking if anyone knew who tore up the athletic field the day before! Whoa!!! That was me!!! Yikes!!! Truth be told, I had no idea that when you do donuts in the snow, you actually also ruin the ground way down there below it. Well, to make a long story short, they still let me graduate from seminary. But just barely. Ha!

Wild & Silly Stories From My Life - #44

When I was in seminary graduate school in St. Louis, one weekend my wife and I traveled up to Michigan with a good seminary friend, to visit his parents & his hometown. My friend’s Dad was a pastor there, and since Heather & I had never been to Michigan, we thought it’d be a great weekend trip. One night on that trip, my friend and I were up late at his house, chatting about faith stuff & drinking a couple beers, and my friend mentioned to me how an old mentor pastor of his had a daily habit of praying for a long list of people in his congregation, for a full two hours every morning. Me being the opinionated and shortsighted guy that I was, I immediately remarked how much of a waste of time that seemed to be. I told my friend that I thought a Pastor could be doing a bunch of other important stuff, that would be way more productive. Well… fast forward about 30 years…and now I realize just how much of an obnoxiously stupid statement that was. In fact, over the years God has changed my heart so much about the whole thing, I now spend an hour myself every morning in prayer, praying over a list of people in my congregation and other people I know. These days, I way more understand the power of what my friend’s mentor was doing, & without a doubt, I believe that prayer time like that is not a waste of time by any means. I’ve seen great happening after happening occur after times of prayer. A bunch of them. A whole bunch of them. And that has made me come to the conclusion that for a Pastor, a daily routine of prayer is quite possibly the most important part of the entire day. There are various lessons in this story I reckon, but the one I’ll leave you with is this: Don’t get too upset with your younger self. We all do & say some really stupid things, and wonderfully, God forgives us, and matures us in ideal ways. Amen to that!

Wild & Silly Stories From My Life - #43

From Kindergarten through 12th grade, we kids were on a six-weeks grading schedule. Every six weeks a report card would be handed to us, and we’d have to take it home to Mom & Dad, & get it signed. The rule in our house was that you had to do your best, but especially it was important to get all A’s and B’s. I was a kid who enjoyed school and had a knack for testing pretty well, so I managed to keep all A’s & B’s throughout my childhood & teen years. You might think I was motivated to get good grades because I wanted to honor my parent’s wishes & make them proud. But that’s a nope. Ha! I actually got good grades because every six weeks if our report card was good, Mom and Dad would let us get our ice cream of choice at the local Braums! We could pick absolutely anything off the menu!! It was bribery at its finest! So…for all those years, as my reward for a good report card, I would get a Pecan Caramel Fudge Sundae. For me, nothing in the world tasted better than that ice cream dish of glorious goodness! I can conjure up the treat it was to my tastebuds right now as I’m writing this story. Yuuummmmyyyy!

Wild & Silly Stories From My Life - #42

The year my oldest child was born (my daughter Hannah), the Dallas Cowboys had a pretty blah season. They went 8-8, didn’t win the NFC East, & though they made it into the wildcard round of the playoffs, they were easily knocked out by the Vikings. It was a lackluster year for us Cowboys fans for sure. However, my wife and I were living in St. Louis at the time, because I was finishing up graduate school, & the St. Louis Rams were the hot ticket in the NFL. They were being called the Greatest Show on Turf, and with Kurt Warner at the helm, their offense was pretty much unstoppable. Anyhow, the Rams ended up in the SuperBowl that year, and they ended up winning it all! My daughter Hannah was still in Heather’s belly at the time, but she was certainly active at a SuperBowl party we attended. As we watched the big game with friends, I remember Heather wanted me to put my hand on her belly, because every time we all cheered and yelled, Hannah was kicking around in the womb and enjoying the festivities! So naturally, when Hannah made an appearance into the world a few days later, we did what any passionate football fan parents would do, we got her a jersey right away, that she could wear as a little baby. And since the Rams had just won the Super Bowl…you can imagine which jersey we got her….Yep…that’s right…we got her a Dallas Cowboys jersey!! Ha!! You thought I was going to say Rams, didn’t you??? Of course I wouldn’t! It was certainly neat to see the Rams win the big one while we lived in St Louis, but we’ll always be true blue Cowboys fans…Forever!

Wild & Silly Stories From My Life - #41

When I was 15 years old & had my learning drivers permit, my parents were teaching me how to drive in the ole family Oldsmobile. But on the side, my Dad wanted me to also learn how to drive a manual with a clutch, so I’d also go driving with him in his old Ford pick-up truck. I don’t remember the year of the truck, but it was old enough that its shifting mechanism was the classic, “three on the tree.” That meant there was a shift lever on the steering column, & you had to learn the specific spots of where to pull and drop, or push & raise, the shift lever for first or second or third gear (or reverse of course.) Well, first gear & third gear were in a similar position, one was just pulling the lever closer toward your body & then down, while the other was the same basic position, but pushing further away from your body before you pulled down. It’s not extremely complicated, but for a new driver, it’s easy to get first and third confused. One day, just a couple weeks before I was about to turn 16 & get my official drivers license, my dad said I could take that old truck all by myself on a country road by our house. I was elated, because I was going to be driving all by myself for the first time ever. So I jumped in the truck, and took off smoothly using the skills I had learned. But then about 3 miles away from my house, I worked the clutch improperly, and I stalled the truck. And then, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get the truck moving again without it stalling right away. I was out in the middle of nowhere, and of course this was before cell phones, so I ended up having to walk all the way back home as it was getting dark. When I finally got home, I told my dad what had happened, & he drove us back to where I’d left the truck. He told me to show him what I was doing to start it & get it moving, and he instantly figured out that I was trying to get the truck moving forward while in third gear, thinking I was in first gear. That was exactly the issue, because as soon as I found the real first gear, the truck worked fine. The whole thing makes for a good memory these days, & I know it was a great way to learn a solid lesson. And I bet you anything I could drive 3 On The Tree right now, no problem!

Wild & Silly Stories From My Life - #40

One summer during my college years, I ate 500+ hot dogs. I’m being totally serious. Over 500 hot dogs in one summer! I was home from college after my freshman year, & I was working two full-time jobs, because I had my heart set on buying a specific pick-up truck. I was working crazy hard to save up every penny possible, so I purposely wouldn’t eat all day, because I didn’t want to spend any money on meals, & I was absolutely determined to put every bit of cash I earned towards buying that truck. Thank goodness my second job each day was at a movie theater, so at least I got to munch on the free popcorn while working my shifts there. But anyhow, the only real meal I would eat would be around 1am, when I got home from that second job. Early in the summer my Mom had asked me what I wanted her to stock in the fridge, & I told her to please just get a bunch of hot dogs every week, because I knew I could come home & throw them on the grill each night, while I took a shower as they cooked. So that’s exactly what I did. I’d come home, fire up the grill, put the hotdogs on the top level of the grill, & then go shower. And as soon as I got out of the shower, I’d put my bed clothes on, and promptly go eat the five hotdogs, then go directly to bed. I did that same exact thing for three months solid! That’s how I consumed an ungodly amount of hotdogs in one summer! Looking back on that experience, I’m a little bit disgusted…and yet…I did end up getting the truck of my dreams, so it all seemed worthwhile! Ha! Oh to be young again, & that crazy in love with a silly pick-up truck.

Wild & Silly Stories From My Life - #39

When I was in elementary school in the early 80’s (in Sherman Texas), many of us boys brought our pocket knives to school. Not only was it ok, & not frowned upon in any way, we were actually allowed to play with them at recess. We usually played a game where you push a little stick into the ground, & then you take turns seeing who can twist-throw their knife & get the blade to bury in the ground, as close to the stick as possible. I remember loving that game, & even practicing at home in my own backyard. Oh the joys of growing up in redneck Texas! Times have certainly changed…even here in the Lone Star State…I’d most certainly be arrested for bringing a knife to school these days!

Wild & Silly Stories From My Life - #38

One winter day when I was about 10 years old, I spent about three hours up in a tree, terrified to come down. There was a wooded area about a half mile from my house where I loved to take my pellet gun and hunt around for rabbits and squirrels and such. It wasn’t terribly far out, but it felt pretty secluded. Well, one of the neighborhood backyards nearest to that wooded area had a retired police dog that could often be seen there in the yard. It was a mean, ferocious dog, and the rumor in our neighborhood was that they had retired the dog from the police force, because it was uncontrollably aggressive, and wouldn’t mind its commands. I don’t know if that was true or not, but it was a rumor I’d heard numerous times. Anyhow, that mean dog was known for getting out of its fence from time to time, and that’s what happened to me on that winter day. While making my way to my hunting spot, I saw the dog making a bee-line for me from a pretty good distance, and I had just enough time to find a big tree to climb up, where I thought I’d be safe. Then once the dog arrived, he decided to stick around at the bottom of that tree, barking & snarling at me off & on, and he just wouldn’t relent or go away. Finally, after a number of hours, I could hear someone else walking nearby, and thankfully the dog heard it too, so he decided to take off after that person. As soon as he got out of sight, I made a break for it, and jumped down out of that tree lickety split, and ran for home faster than I’d probably ever run before. I made it home safely, & man was I exhausted, both physically & emotionally. Looking back on that experience, it kind of seems like a cartoon movie in my head. But I can tell you one thing for sure…it was no fun when I was living it for real! And to this very day, I hope that other person that the dog took off after didn’t get eaten. But either way, better them than me. Ha! Just kidding!

Wild & Silly Stories From My Life - #37

My PawPaw loved to grow peach trees. He’d take peach pits, & start them growing in old Folgers coffee cans with a little soil, & then when the time was right, he’d transplant the little peach trees into an ideal spot in his yard. When I was about 12 years old, he gifted me with my very own Folgers can peach tree, ready to be officially planted. So I took it home, & planted it in our backyard in Sherman. Well, right away there was a problem, because my pet dog at the time, a great Cocker Spaniel named Freeway, loved to chew that peach tree down to a little nub anytime it started growing. Freeway continued to do that very thing for at least a couple years, frequently chewing/pruning the tree down to nothing. Then one day, out of the blue, Freeway decided to quit messing with it. And just like that, the peach tree shot up & started growing like crazy, & after a few more years, it was the biggest preach tree we’d ever seen! Then it started putting out peaches. HUGE PEACHES! I mean REALLY HUGE PEACHES! I can’t over-exaggerate how huge they were! We actually didn’t eat many of them, because they were a bit funky, but I can tell you this, they made incredible softballs to throw at each other on warm spring evenings. Ha! Rest in Peace PawPaw (& Freeway as well.) I imagine y’all hold the record for growing the largest peaches the town of Sherman has ever seen!

Wild & Silly Stories From My Life - #36

When I was a kid, I was on the very tail end of drive-in movie theaters being the movie watching venue of choice. And based on what my parents have told me, I only watched one movie at the outdoor drive-in theater, before we started watching movies at the new-fangled indoor theater in our hometown. You’ll never guess the only movie I saw at the outdoor drive-in? The original Star Wars!!! How cool is that?! My Mom told me that my brother & I had our eyes completely glued to the screen the entire time…we never even asked to get popcorn or to pee! Ha! That actually doesn’t surprise me at all…the original Star Wars is still one of the greatest movies I’ve seen in my entire 51 years!

Wild & Silly Stories From My Life - #35

This is a pretty wild fact about my childhood, that not a whole lot of people know, because most people these days associate me with being a basketball player in my younger years. What folks don’t know is that football was my first love, & the first sport I played with a passion. In my hometown, you couldn’t play tackle football until 3rd grade, but as soon as 3rd grade hit, I started playing every season. I loved football with everything in me. Really, really loved it. I ate, drank & slept football. I played running back from 3rd grade through 6th grade…& here’s another shocker…I was one of the fastest kids in the entire league! That’ll make people laugh these days! Ha! I loved playing running back so much, I would often set up all sorts of big objects in my backyard, like old lawn chairs & barrels & buckets & anything else I could find like that, & then I’d spend hours imagining myself running for touchdowns in a big game, while I’d charge back-&-forth over those objects, crashing into them & punishing them, & often destroying them in the process. I was a star NFL running back for the Dallas Cowboys in my own mind. And I honestly believe those strange practice sessions were the reason I was so hard to tackle in my first few years of football. I ran like a man possessed, who didn’t choose to run around people, I loved to run over them! Well, by the end of 6th grade, I was no longer near as fast or as good as the kids around me, who kept getting bigger & better, so after my 8th grade year, I put up the cleats forever. But boy do I remember how much fun football was as a kid. And these days, without a doubt, I’m perfectly content watching football on tv…from the wonderful comfort of my lazyboy recliner...just as God intended. 😅

Wild & Silly Stories From My Life - #34

When I was a little kid, my Mom was a stay at home mom, so she took care of pretty much all our daily meals. As my brother and I got a little older, she began to teach us how to cook a few things. You’ve got to remember that this is well before the invention of the microwave. The first thing I learned to cook was a fried egg in a frying pan, & boy did I cook & eat a lot of them once I had that skill. Then shortly thereafter, the most glorious thing I could ever imagine happened, when I learned how to fry bologna & make fried bologna sandwiches. I must’ve eaten thousands of them over the next few years! To this day, if for some reason I was offered one final meal, my choice very well might be a fried bologna sandwich. Ha! If you’ve never had that southern delicacy, I assure you, you’re missing out!

Wild & Silly Stories From My Life - #33

One time when I was about 9 yrs old, I got “grounded” from my pellet gun. It was taken away from me for a few months by my Dad. I had broken the cardinal rule, which means I shot the gun in the direction of my brother. That was of course a huge no-no. But there’s a little bit more to the story. My brother had been at a birthday party at one of his friend’s houses, & when he got back home, he had a helium balloon with him. He told me that he brought the balloon home so he could release it in the air, & I could shoot it with my pellet gun as it floated away. I had always dreamed of shooting at something like that…a moving target floating away…so I was stoked with his plan. Well, he walked out into a field right by our house, with the balloon in hand, & I stood a few feet away, getting ready to tell him when to release it. I got my gun & my gumption ready, & then I yelled, “Let it go!” In that very moment, my brother had a change of heart, & he decided he didn’t want to lose the balloon. He started telling me he didn’t want to let it go, because he wanted to keep it, & he didn’t want it to be popped. I was already so excited about the prospect of shooting at it, I kept yelling at him, “Let it go! Let it go!” He kept saying, “No, I want to keep it!” So that’s when I took drastic action. I was a really good shot, & I could hit pretty much anything I was aiming at, so I took aim at that balloon in his hand, & BAM, I shot it right out of his hand. It popped on the spot, & my brother immediately went running to our Mom & Dad to tell them what had just happened. That’s the day I almost got beaten to a pulp. By my Mom, not my Dad. Ha! Just kidding. There was no beating, but I was grounded from my pellet gun for a good couple months, which was a far worse punishment for a boy like me. You’d think I’d probably look back on a story like that and regret it a bit. Nope. Ha! The moral of the story is, never tempt a pellet gun kid with a helium balloon. Especially in Sherman Texas. Ha!

Wild & Silly Stories From My Life - #32

You’ve probably heard the term “Hobo.” When I was growing up, that term usually meant someone who would ride across the country hopping on & off of train cars, & then would camp in wooded areas near cities, living off canned goods & sometimes the charity of others. Well, one time when I was about 10 or 11 years old, in the late afternoon I was walking through some deep woods as I headed to a specific creek bend where I liked to set my raccoon traps, & I came across a hobo. His whole set up looked just like what I had seen in the tv shows. He had a little campfire going, & he was cooking some canned goods in a little pot, & he had a blanket pallet laid out that I imagine he was going to sleep on later. He even had the whole stick over the shoulder thing laying there, with a bag of some sort tied to the stick. I could hardly believe my eyes, it was a real hobo right in front of me. As I walked through the woods around him, he said, “How are you doing young man?” I said, “Fine, I’m just headed to the creeks to set my raccoon traps.” He then simply said, “Good luck.” And that was that. I went about my business, & never saw the guy again. He was the first, & the last, old-school hobo I ever came across. I still wish him the best. By the way, after I shared that encounter with my Dad, he immediately had me start carrying a little shotgun with me while checking my traps (instead of just my pellet gun.) And that’s a story for another day! Ha!